So I cut my hair. No big deal. At least that’s what I thought as my friend took scissors to my 10 months transitioning hair a month ago. My hair is the shortest it has ever been…ever. I was 14 when I got my first relaxer and I was a faithful user until March 2012 when I, unknowingly, got my last relaxer.
It was in April that I decided to transition. To be honest, I can’t say where it came from. My hair wasn’t doing terribly with the relaxer. To most people it was healthy and long. I had no medical reason to go natural. I just really wanted to do something different. You could blame the ending of a four-year college journey as part of it, I don’t know. All I knew was that I was gonna do this.
It was January 20th when I cut it. I was fine. Then I went to this women’s conference that talked about embracing the power and beauty you possess. There it happened. My eyes were opened to what had really occurred on the 20th. In the natural, it was just a big chop. I stand with no regrets, but something spiritually and emotionally happened. I know…..I know I tried really hard to not be that deep natural girl, but I think it’s hard to avoid. Anyways, for years, I hid behind my hair, my hair and my glasses <— that’s a whole other situation. Let’s just say I was pretty insecure. I didn’t embrace me. I would downplay who I am A LOT to fit into a certain mold, group, idea, you name it. I had a history of people pleasing and I found my security in people and in their approval. I look back and I’m in awe of how much of who I am I tried to define and discover in people, through their expectations and their opinions. That changed in 2007 when God called me out on my little charade, thus beginning my journey to self-love.
I’ve been going through this journey, amongst others, with the occasional wrestle with insecurity. Last year, I was annoyed with these scrimmages and pretty much told God to show me His security, “let’s tackle this” was my thought pattern, and He began to take away things I placed my security in (read more here). Unknowingly, my hair was one. When I cut my hair, I realized I couldn’t hide anymore. I was in my most vulnerable state. I wasn’t depressed at this discovery. I was a mixture of, “I thought I was over this” and “wow…okay…cool time to embrace me even more”. Now, I’m continuing this journey loving every part of me on newer, deeper level. The day after my BC, I wrote in my journal, “help me to not hide behind my physical appearance. Strengthen my inner-beauty. Cause my spirit to soar with Your grace, love, and beauty” That’s my daily prayer, to truly see and love myself the way Daddy God does. There’s nothing like an individual who truly loves themselves. When you love you it shows. When you love you wholly you can love others wholly. It’s a little over 5 years since my journey of self-love began. My hair is a small part of the bigger picture. Whenever I reflect, I’m immensely grateful for the growth, the revelation, and new discoveries I’ve made about myself, about God, and our relationship. I am joy-filled by who I am!
I am no longer hiding in the shadows of the expectations of this world, society, culture, or people. I’m stepping out into the spotlight of who I am. I’m embracing my beauty inside and out. I am unveiled.
TheReddingProject 