Dreams Within A Dream

So fun fact, one of my favorite movies, I could watch it all the time, is Inception. Whew. I loves me some Christopher Nolan. He is crazy talented. Inception is this suspense movie that makes you think and it’s just fabulous…plus Tom Hardy is super gorgeous with his accent and all. Anyways, Inception is a movie centered on the whole uncertainty of one’s ability to distinguish the real from the unreal when reality and dreams merge. Terrible synopsis. Just go buy it. It’s worth it. I have had dreams within a dream before in, you know, dream land, but in the real world, real life? Nah. Weird.

Well, God found this a fun new way to get my attention. He is seriously funny and as I write this I’m laughing, because He is crazy amazing and so in love with me, in love with me so much that He speaks to me in a way that I will understand. Ok so here’s what happened:

I am 22 and for the last maybe 5 years or less I never really knew my dream/dreams. Some know from like the of age of six that they wanna be a doctor or a rock star, and some actually pursue it, but I wasn’t that kid. My inability to create that lifetime dream followed me through the teen years and into my now adult years that is–until last week.

In attending BSSM, we don’t just listen to powerful sermons, but we have the opportunity to take what we are learning, use our gifts and abilities, and share it with the Redding community. We do this via activations which is pretty awesome. There were like a million options (hyperbole) and my heart leaped for joy when there was one for drama. Now people who know me, know i love acting. I love being on the stage and becoming a character. The stage is the only place I will willing let myself be the center of attention. I often hear, because of my personality, that i would be really good at drama/theater, which is cool and i appreciate it, but it is a huge misconception when it comes to acting.

*sidebar* Some of the most dramatic people, personality wise, are not the greatest actors, yet some of those with the quietest personalities are like brilliant. I’ve witnessed it. There is no set personality formula for what makes an actor awesome sauce. In my opinion, exposure, experience, training, boldness, and a willing to take risks are big factors. Do know personality does play a part, but it is not the main key. Anyways, this is not a post about acting. *sidebar*

Even though I always pushed it on the back burner, I always had a heart for theater and acting. I always took classes while in school and ended my college career taking mostly theater classes and learning so much!! Anyways, after graduating, I pushed acting out the window even though I missed it like crazy. When this opportunity came up, I was ecstatic, till I saw an audition was required.

#FUNFACT auditions are the epitome of acting. It’s like the foundation. It is acting. My professor always pushed the need for us to love auditioning. I really don’t like auditioning. Ha. No surprise there.

Now of course all my nerves start getting crazy and I immediately opted out of the drama activation choosing other ones that sparked my interest. When it came to making my list, the Holy Spirit urged me to put the drama activation down as my second option. I did it and prepared for an audition (I did Juanita’s monologue from James Baldwin’s Blues for Mr. Charlie. Good. Stuff). In the midst of this God says, “I’m gonna make a dream within a dream come true”. Of course I was like, burr? I know the dream at the moment for me, is being at Bethel, in Redding, and soaking up this experience, but I had no idea what other dream He had.

Fast forward.

I go through the audition, and they ask me questions that only the Holy Spirit could fill me up to answer, and it was in those answers to those questions that God filled a void I had for years.

He gave me a dream, a vision.

I honestly believe if one lives a life devoid of a vision, empty of dreams and goals, and lacking passion, he is living unfulfilled. Now, true fulfillment comes not from material things and earthly gratification. Those things provide us with a false sense of fulfillment. They fade. They are uber temporary. You see, ahahahaaa, when you make God, when you make the things of the ETERNAL, your chief passion, when pursuing Him and His glory is your dream, He births within you dreams and visions to further His presence, His glory on earth. It’s kind of like the concept in the movie Inception. In the movie, inception was the process of planting an idea in someone’s mind via a dream, making them think that idea was what they wanted to do from the beginning. It is kind of the same with God and you. When you pursue His presence, His face, God will plant His passion, His vision of and for you in your heart. He will form and cultivate that seed, providing you with new eyes to see yourself how He sees you: completely able and worth it to bring those dreams/desires, the ones you killed off because you feel you couldn’t do it, to pass. Gah. Whew. God is crazy good.

He did just that with me. The more I made and the more I make Him the center, the core of my being, the more He reveals His dreams for me. During that audition, God resurrected a dead dream, a dying desire. What I deemed not for me, He marked with my name and sealed with His love. He breathed His life into it and now, whether I get into this activation or not, I know, in some way, I will be using drama/theater to further His kingdom and spread His supernatural love and heart for His people. It will happen because, God doesn’t give the lovers of His soul empty dreams. Everything He creates has life, is life, and will thrive. I left the audition feeling excited, not because I think I got it, but because I was floored by His love for me, that He blessed me a new dream, a new vision, and that He desires to use me. He sees beyond capable!!!

So my dear reader, dreams within a dream do happen in reality!!! I am proof. It’s crazy weird but totally awesome at the same time. Be encouraged, God is in the mood to resurrect the very dreams and passions you thought were dead for you, if you make Him and His presence the center of your being, your world. It all starts there. Bah.

Til next time,

D

Happy Places

Redding is constantly surprising me from beautiful sunsets over the distant mountains to the ridiculous hot days and really chilly nights.

Love this view. Distant mountains and a beautiful sunset

 

From having my two favorite restaurants next door to each other (Red Robin and Olive Garden. Happiness) and Walmart walking distance away, I’m a happy camper. But yesterday, on a hot Friday afternoon, Redding won me for good when she had one of my happy places.

I don’t really know how to define a happy place, but I will try. For me, a happy place is a domain wherein you are able to release and freely express yourself, a place where the stresses of life have no dominion. For some people, that’s in cooking or baking aka: the kitchen. That’s one of my happy places. I can get lost in a recipe, oh man, and don’t let my creative juices start running, because then I begin to try new things, take risks. I surprise myself.

Honestly, in my opinion, having a happy place is necessary. There should be a place or activity that you have where you can go and just be. I’m not suggesting a place of escape from your problems. No. In my eyes, a happy place is an environment that helps you face those problems once you emerge. Gratefully, Redding has one of my favorite happy places:

A coffee shop.

For those that know me, Gah, coffee and espresso get me giddy, literally and figuratively. I LOVE the coffee shop environment. Often when I am in that environment, I get inspired. I love to write, fiction in particular. When i am sitting in a coffee shop, I see so many different people who make for epic characters. I see the business man, the working mom, the high schooler,the college undergrad who never sleeps, the hipster, all of it. It’s like in a coffee shop, at least the ones I go to, everyone has a common thing. It doesn’t matter your background. We all love coffee. Ahahahaa I sound crazy right?

Delish creamy caramel latte + awesome sauce decor = Yaks. Good. Stuff.

Anyways, I found this snazzy spot walking distance from my apartment called Yaks Koffee and Eats. I got so much done sitting there. I read. I observed. I wrote letters. I met new people. As i sipped on my creamy caramel latte, I was able to let my thoughts run freely while I was serenaded by the lovely sounds of Cold Play. Mmmm….happy happy, joy joy!!!

Having a happy place is essential. I think every one should have a place, whether it’s a physical location or an activity, that allows them to mentally process things without the added pressure of society. Everyone should have a place where they can creatively express themselves (not necessarily in the arts, but creative in their own unique way). The beauty of happy places is that it doesn’t have to be one place!!! For me, cooking dinner or baking a cake gives me a chance to break away from the mundane patterns of life, that’s the greatness of cooking. It can be and usually is different every time. Books/writing are another happy place for me. Sometimes reading a novel sheds light on my current situation and writing? Oh my lanta. Writing just takes me to another place, especially when I connect with a character and they share their story with me, hmmmm….I get excited thinking about it. The presence of God is also a happy place for me. It’s the best one. I find so much peace and love when I just rest in Him.

So my charge to you this weekend and coming week is to find yourself a happy place. An environment that allows you to be free and creatively express yourself. A place that gets you fired up to face whatever is ahead. I’m so grateful I found mine. *happy dance*

Til next time,

D

How Do You See

When we take steps into the unfamiliar we automatically recognize the discomfort. It’s unchartered territory. The comforts you once knew are dispelled by the newness of what you’ve just stepped into.

Cool. Understandable. That’s natural. But, why do we focus on the discomfort so much? Why do we push a negative outlook on change? Why do we allow others to push a negative outlook on our change? Is it because whatever we’ve conjured up as the plan for our lives is shifting and we don’t like it? Is it because wherever we are going doesn’t fit the picture that everyone else thinks is right?  I know I threw a million questions in one paragraph but these are questions I’ve had to ask myself through the years as I experienced and witnessed change. Now, that I’m undergoing a massive shift in what I consider the norm, I’m beginning to see change not as some dreadfully uncomfortable journey, but as an invitation to firsts.

When I moved to California discomfort didn’t even describe how I felt. I live in the largest state surrounded by people I’ve never even heard of. Everyone that I know and I am close to is on the opposite coast. When I first came to Redding, I was absolutely sad. I began to imagine just how out of the loop I would be whenever I returned home. I wouldn’t be as connected and those thoughts began to discourage me. I would be missing out on big moments and other small yet exciting memories. I had to snap out of it because, I realized if I didn’t alter the way I was seeing this change, I would miss out on my purpose for being here. I would miss out on the awesomeness that is before me and if I hadn’t taken this step, I would not be experiencing all the firsts that I have.

Like going to Bethel Church. It was a beautiful experience to connect with the church community, to be apart of their worship. This  past Saturday night I met other first years and had a God encounter like NEVER before. I experienced my first worship night led out by fellow first years where we threw our inhibitions out the window, invited God in and allowed Him to just move in and through us. I mean I went to WINCO for the first time!!! If there is one in the DMV, never saw it. It’s a great grocery where ya get stuff for real cheap. I need cheap nowadays.

But you get my drift? Change does not bring about just discomfort or unfamiliarity. It brings you into firsts. It positions you to have new encounters and experiences. Now this is not saying I haven’t felt discomfort. I have and I’m sure there will be more moments where the boundaries of my comfort zone will be stretched and pulled. But I decide if I will let this stretching and pulling be a pity party or an adventure. It’s all in my perspective. If I choose to look at what I may be lacking or missing out on, then what this new opportunity, this move to California has to offer me will be missed. If I choose to compare what was to what is, I’ll never really understand, cherish, or grasp what’s before me. It’s all in perspective.

So, for you, if it is a new job, new position, new relationship, school, or move to another state/country don’t focus on what you may miss or what was. Don’t compare your last supervisor to your new one. Don’t compare your old position to your new one, no matter how better or worse it is and don’t compare your new relationship to the old. Take what is before you and cherish it. Allow yourself to open up to the many firsts that are waiting for you. Embrace the new step. You see, change is what you make it. Firsts are what you make it and it’s all in your perspective.

So, how do you choose to see?

Til next time,

D

On My Own But Not Alone

After daddy prayed for me and I walked back into my apartment alone, it hit me:

THIS. IS. IT.

I am on my own. My daddy drove back to the hotel to prepare for his journey back to the DMV. I’d be alone now. The comforts of ma and pa were now over 2,000 miles away and three hours behind. All that I was accustomed to was gone.

It hit me hard. This reality that God had called me across the nation, to an unfamiliar land, with no known comforts started to sink in.

I wasn’t in Kansas anymore.

When I woke up this morning I was immediately challenged. A whirlwind of miscommunications and misunderstandings has led me to an unsuspected shift in my finances. I could feel myself beginning to freak out as I acknowledged the fact that how much I had was starting to look far less than my current state. I quickly threw myself into the presence of God inviting him and the Holy Spirit to comfort me and send me peace. I know myself, and if I were to just sit and dwell in the carnality of this situation versus addressing it in the spirit I’d be in an emotional dumpster.

No. Bueno.

It was in the moment of my quiet time that God spoke through my devotional. He cried out to me to be dependent on Him. I could sense my flesh ready to infiltrate my mind with thoughts of insecurity, fear, doubt, and more. Yet it was quickly dispelled by the voice of God as he reassured me that He had me covered. I wasn’t alone.

You know, guys, God only wants the best for us. He won’t call us to something He doesn’t believe we are equipped to handle. He won’t give us more than we can bear. He won’t call us to the impossible and leave us hanging. He’s not like that. He loves us too much. Some of these impossible and challenging moments are not necessarily works of the enemy but God getting our attention, bringing us to a place of humility, and utter dependence on Him. Sometimes we get so confident and comfortable in our lifestyles that we become reliant on ourselves, our knowledge, our strength neglecting God has our sole provider and leader. Unconsciously, I was such a person and I’m still working through this complex.

But as this day progressed, God has shown me just a little bit more about this new season I’m in. There comes a time in our relationship with Him where it HAS to be JUST us and Him. You must cultivate an intimate relationship from your own encounters and experiences with Him. Relying on someone else’s relationship, encounter, and experience won’t work. Sometimes He places us in difficult situations so we can turn our hearts to Him, seek His face, and draw closer to Him.

For me, for so long I was dependent on myself and others but never God. Yeah, I knew He was there, and I would “say” I trusted Him but my hand was always held. I was never in a position or situation where the only person I could look to was God until now.

It’s like He had to literally and purposely pull me away from what I know so that I could pursue Him more. I was pursuing Him in my familiar place and becoming aware of my need for Him but He wanted me to see it more, so He pulled me out more. I’m willing. I’m here and I know this is just the beginning.

So I encourage you reader, acknowledge your need for God. Stop putting your faith in man and in your own works and begin to just fully fall into the open arms of your Creator. He only has awesome things for you. His thoughts towards you are kind and loving. His plans for you are only for good and will only bring forth good fruit. You just have to trust in His vision and dream for you. By no means is it easy, the carnality of your being wants to fix things yourself and on your time, do it yourself, yet when you consciously shut down your flesh and let your spirit thrive in the beauty and presence of God, you’ll find yourself renewed, strengthened and able to face these impossible moments knowing that your Father’s got you covered.

Whew. I just got uber excited thinking about the awesome might of Yahweh and just His sheer beauty and steady faithfulness. Being dependent on Him requires us to take a risk, to blind and kill our flesh and see with our spiritual eyes. It is when we do this that we can realize in those challenging moments we may be on our own, without the known earthly comforts of our world, but we aren’t alone.

Whew. Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I wanna see you! (powerful lyrics and my heart’s desire)

Til next time,

D.

The Call

I was at work. Scrolling feverishly through a science article doing my best to catch errors when it hit me, rather, gently slipped into my conscious mind: ministry school. I reacted twisting my face into a confused expression then laughed it off. I’m hearing things. That doesn’t make sense. I mean when someone graduates from college there is one of three things they generally do, they either go straight into the work force, go straight into graduate school, or do an intense combo of both. Ministry school was not in my post-college plans. WHAT. SO.  EVER.

The Holy Spirit didn’t seem to mind. He was patient with me like He always is. Over a series of days, I couldn’t shake the image, idea, and prospect of ministry school, so I did what any person would, I prayed.

It was June 7, 2012 around 5:30 am when God said it “find a school—leave in August”. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. It’s seems so far-fetched but nonetheless I decided, obedience is better than sacrifice right? I began researching schools of course there are none in my location, the beautiful DMV. The google search engine brings up a list of schools and there, the second school down, was Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.

Automatic no.

I scrolled passed it quickly looking everywhere BUT there.

Why?

First, BSSM is in REDDING, CALIFORNIA. Yeah…California you know that huge state that defines the west coast? Yeah. There. I’ve never lived anywhere BUT Maryland plus, I felt a bias. I mean who would want to go to Redding…attend BSSM…live in Cali. As much as I resisted, the Holy Spirit nudged me to just check out the site.

Instant. Connection.

It’s exactly what the Lord desired for and of me. Three weeks and some days later, I sat in my basement watching the live streaming of JCNY and began the BSSM application.

I cried. This was new for me and a crazy step of faith. I went through the application and really found myself examining who I was as a follower of Christ and how much I really wanted HIM and nothing else. An application that took really 30 minutes to an hour took me about a week and a half to complete. I’m not kidding, it was hard. I struggled internally, but God was patient with me and led me to the stories of Abraham and Noah, the disciples and Moses. These people were so faithful to God and believed in His faithfulness to them. He would speak and they would go. They weren’t perfect, by no means, yet they didn’t hesitant, second guess, or doubt when God spoke. They just did.

By the time I’d finished the application and scheduled my interview, this opportunity had grown on me but I’d convinced myself it couldn’t be for real, it was just a test. On August 2^nd, I was accepted.  In that moment it started to hit me. This isn’t a joke. God is calling me out to something so unfamiliar and new.

A whirlwind of meeting roommates, solidifying housing, saying goodbyes, and packing leads me to this moment, 12:29 am, with six hours until my flight and all I can do is shake my head in awe. My life is literally changing, rapidly, before my eyes and God is reaching out for me to actively participate in it. I’m getting super excited just thinking about how He’s about to move.

I guess it’s safe to say one thing I’ve learned in the past three months is that: 1. responding to the call is scary to our flesh but satisfying to our spirit. 2. Unwavering faith breeds ready obedience. 3. Ready obedience develops a humbling dependence on Yahweh.  4. A humble dependence on Him opens the door to a new level of intimacy.

I challenge you, like I challenged myself, if you heard God calling you out to something new, that seems uncomfortable or unfamiliar, trust in His voice and take the step. Don’t delay.

Okay. Need beauty sleep. Til next time,

D.